Behind Glass

Something happened to me and my daughter on Monday which has lead me to write this blog. I’ve never written or posted anything always believing I didn’t really have a strong enough message or that I could even write that well.

That all changed this week and I firmly believe people, parents and carers should read this blog.

Like a lot of children she takes a weekly swimming lesson at the local leisure centre and we go every Monday night to sit spectator side to watch her learn to swim.

It was about 10 minutes into this class that it suddenly dawned on me that she wasn’t having an enjoyable swimming lesson. As I watched behind a thick piece of glass unable to get her attention it became more and more apparent by the look on her face that something was wrong.

I quickly tried to study the situation ignoring requests from my youngest for crisps. As the scene was unveiling before my eyes I tried hard to work out what could be the problem. In all of 3 years she has loved swimming and her lessons so it felt very odd.

Watching the instructor, then watching my child then back to the lifeguard, could he give me any clues. I didn’t want to seem over the top or to overreact if she was fine. After all there is a gentle parenting etiquette, ‘don’t be a helicopter parent’ ‘don’t be that annoying pushy mum’. Before I had completed my motherly review she stopped swimming, stood up in the pool and burst into tears.

Quicker than the speed of light I abandoned my handbag, my phone, my coffee, grabbed my youngest and ran to her without a care in the world as to what would become of my possessions.

It never ceases to amaze me the mountains you move, the unrelently protection you give and the instinctive knowing that your child needs you. As I held her in the arms my jumper got wetter and wetter but what was more apparent was the burning anger growing inside me.

What I should have said at the start is this teacher has a intimidating, slightly cross and rather unfriendly manner. You brush it off, give them the benefit of the doubt, tell yourself this is normal or even acceptable. Over the course of 4 lessons he had managed to bring her down with his belittling manner that she stopped swimming that evening looked at me believing she could no longer do this.

His negative demands of her to swim and lack of praise had diluted her spirit and she needed me.

To summarise why I’m writing this is to say to anyone in a position of privilege who teaches or interacts with children go gentle on the young, encourage them and please dear lord smile. If you can’t manage to do this you have to consider whether you deserve that podium. You have the power to dramatically effect a growing character and their precious and irreplaceable confidence.

As parents and carers we’ve all been in that situation where you didn’t like the comment made to your child by someone, you felt a family member stepped out of line, they overheard something you rather they didn’t or even you’re reading this now thinking ‘yeah Lily’s ballet teacher is miserable with those children’. Speak up, don’t, like me sit and watch it happening right before your eyes and do nothing.

I knew he was slowly going to affect her confidence. I knew something was not right and I knew there was only so much I would take, but I didn’t want to make a scene or seem the pushy over assertive parent.

It’s made me reflect on what I enrol my children on and with who. I think it’s no bad thing to pull a teacher aside to tell them about your shining star and how to get the best from them.

My message is clear, don’t feel there is ever a barrier to you protecting your child and the adult interactions they experience day to day. They need us to speak up for them.

If you didn’t like the tone of voice or even as small as the way they greet your child, speak up!

That thick spectator glass between me and him I think gave him the feeling of power and that he could do whatever he liked. Let me tell you Mr swimming teacher you may not have realised but I can read my daughters mind.